“We can’t know why some things happen….but we can know that love and beautiful memories outlast the pain of grief. And we can know that there’s a place inside the heart where love lives always….and where nothing beautiful can ever be forgotten.”
Those words were printed on the front of the card I received from a close friend shortly after my dear horse parted this earth. I have kept those words with me to this day. They have comforted me and helped me to understand and to move forward. The loss of an animal can indeed have an impact on your life.
I still tear up as I write this. It has been 13 years.
I sometimes felt alone and embarrassed about grieving so long for him because he was ‘just an animal’. I mean, I had lost family members and grieved their loss, but somehow this was different. Not long ago I shared an article on Facebook Why losing a dog can be harder than losing a relative or friend I was shocked by the response and realized that I was not alone.
The relationships we have with our furry friends are truly remarkable and special.
His name was Goofy and he came from humble beginnings. A horse plucked out of a pasture somewhere in British Columbia and likely handled quite roughly when he was first trained. He was spooky and ear shy and terrified of anyone tall, specifically men in cowboy hats. He was a quirky and a very strange character.
We were told that if we continued to call him Goofy, that is the persona that he would take on, so we changed him name to Mr Strut; ‘Strut’ for short. Yes, much more sophisticated, but he still remained the quirkiest horse I will ever know.
I was told he was a Dutch Warmblood cross, crossed with what, I’m not too sure. He had a high set neck that he would telescope up in the air when he was alarmed by something. We would always joke that he was part llama or giraffe.
I called him my Mutt.
I was 12 years old at the time, a small and very shy child. He was scared of most people but somehow we formed a quick bond. We just connected. We started a partnership that lasted almost 12 years. Writing this number down seems like such a small amount of time given how much this horse became a part of me. He was truly my best friend. Without speaking I felt like we just understood each other. He was human to me.
We went through some very challenging times together. He was not the easiest horse to show as he was afraid of everything! His confirmation and nervousness made it difficult to excel in the dressage ring. But we worked hard and eventually placed well at several shows. He helped me through my own personal struggles and was my outlet when my parents divorced.
He taught me about determination, perseverance and never giving up. He taught me about life and love and in the end, he taught me about loss.
I dreamed we would be together for many years and eventually he would be retired to pasture where I would visit him to feed him carrots. Unfortunately this would not be how we said goodbye.
I will never forget the call. It was Saturday, November 27, 2004. The barn owner said that he had an injury in the field. I cannot remember if she told me at that time that he had shattered his pastern (the sloping part just above the hoof), but I remember being in a panic.
I felt sick and numb. There was nothing they could do but to euthanize him.
Standing outside at the back of the barn, the sun shone on us. My heart ached. I hugged his neck tightly and kissed the velvety spot just above his nostril. Still my favorite spot.
Just before he fell to the ground, the air echoed with the sound of thundering hooves. From the far acres of the surrounding pasture, about two dozen horses galloped to the fence, a moment that still sends shivers up my spine. He was gone. Everything that we were together was gone.
And then I received these words.
“We can’t know why some things happen….but we can know that love and beautiful memories outlast the pain of grief. And we can know that there’s a place inside the heart where love lives always….and where nothing beautiful can ever be forgotten.”
I recited these words over and over in my head. They became more true with each day that passed.
Somehow I feel like he guided me here to where I am today. I know that may sound a little strange to some. But everything I do is out of love and understanding. It is for love of animals and people and the bonds they share. Their lives are much shorter than we wish them to be but their impact on our lives is so special.
I so deeply longed for those memories that captured our connection. I have photographs for sure, but nothing that shows our true bond. After having this experience, I feel capturing the soul of an animal comes intuitively to me. While his loss was profound, he gave me a gift I didn’t know I had.
And so I have a little secret to share that very few know. Mutt Love Photography was named after him. My quirky, unique horse and my very first ‘mutt’.
(A few images of our time together. Mostly show images because that was the only time we really used a camera or had a photographer take pictures).
Image by www.lamediadesign.com
Image on left by Gisela Photography and on right by D. Kirk Photos
Image by Munford Photo
